


Pining for The Boy™

by TheCephalopodAgency



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: M/M, Multi, a symptom of growing up with a pope for a dad, also i dont know how to write anymore sorry nobody is in character, at least that's how aymeric remebers him, aymeric and gaius dont smooch or anything they just both married estinien, aymeric has zero healthy coping mechanisms, aymeric wants to smooch the warrior of light pass it on, crackfic, haurchefant is a brat, implied Aymeric de Borel/Estinien Wymblood/Gaius Van Baelsar, mentioned Gaius van Baelsar/Estinien Wyrmblood, or ability to process feelings normally, shameless use of memes, they share him every other weekend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:40:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29897127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCephalopodAgency/pseuds/TheCephalopodAgency
Summary: Aymeric has a problem-- he wants to smooch the warrior of light so badly but he has to try and process emotions such as 'i might feel bad cause he used to be a crime boy' and... well that's mostly it actually
Relationships: Aymeric de Borel/Warrior of Light
Kudos: 4





	Pining for The Boy™

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ketomax](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ketomax/gifts).



There was a sudden knocking on his office door that pulled him out of his current thoughts. For a moment he wondered who was bothering him now, of all times, on this day of his gayest of panics, when he remembered exactly who he invited to his big fancy office. His stomach flipped violently but he had a reputation to uphold, as the Leader™. He had to be confident, calm, very collected and most certainly not the slightest bit panicked. His organs all needed to be in their properly assigned places.

So, naturally, he did exactly the opposite of that.

He said very smoothly in his ‘please let me sleep it’s been years I’m so tired’ voice; "Haurchefant, my dearest, most trusted, amazing wonderful friend, please, come in.” His mint haired best most amazing friend raised one amazingly minty eyebrow, closing the door behind him. "Have a seat. We haven't spoken in ages, my best friend. Did I mention, the best friend I’ve ever had, my--"

"Not that I disagree with anything you've just said but you don't need to lay it on so thick. I know you want something. Something only I, as your best friend, of course, can provide.” He slipped ever so mintily into the chair opposite his desk and put his hands together like he was a mafia boss. "Tell me your troubles, my child."

"I'm older than you?"

"That, my friend, is not a problem I can solve. Perhaps something else troubles you."

Aymeric looked like he just swallowed a peeled lemon whole. He thought for a moment, maybe he should have asked his husband Estinien for his help, then he remembered one, it was Gaius, Estinen's other husband's weekend, and two, Estinien would say something like 'just look at him for about six to seven seconds without blinking and he'll know'.

"You'll never ask him out thinking like that," Haurchefant interrupted.

"How did you know what I was thinking?"

"You tend to mumble your thoughts out loud when most inconvenient."

"I don't recall hearing myself say anything about that out loud but I won't question it." He leaned back into his chair, thinking about how he really didn't remember mumbling anything or if he really did tend to mumble his thoughts when it was most inconvenient. Ultimately it didn't matter at the moment, as he said he wouldn't question it.

He gave it just a few more moments of consideration then he sat up straight again. "Okay but do I really mumble?"

"Yes, in fact, you mumbled that entire thought of yours."

"..."

"That isn't what I'm here for, though, is it? This is supposed to be about our very attractive friend with a questionable background that you've been thinking about for weeks now."

"I suppose I've been unknowingly mumbling about that as well?"

"Of course you have."

"How many people know?"

"Everyone but Miah'to, of course."

"Of course," Aymeric repeated slowly. Was that better or worse?

"That depends on how badly you want him to know."

"Please stop listening to my thoughts."

"I make no promises."

Aymeric made a noise like a deflating airship. Back to the original problem he had, before the new problem of his apparent mumbling got in the way. Why had nobody told him he did that? He would need to have words with everyone later. But yes, his original problem.

"What if he murdered people?"

"We've all murdered people, Aymeric."

"Yes, but what if he killed innocent people? Back when he was with the empire? How can I be attracted to someone who might have committed murder crimes?"

Then again, he was friends with someone who was planning on helping people commit murder crimes for the same empire. But somehow this had to be different. For the sake of having a gay panic.

"That's. That's a different question. Yes, that could be a problem." Haurchefant nodded mintily. "But something tells me we wouldn't be having this conversation if you hadn't already mostly gotten over that particular worry."

"What gives you that idea?"

_**"What if he never shower--"** _

"You made your point."

If Haurchefant were a cat, Aymeric had the strangest feeling an entire room full of people would have the urge to point a knife at him.

"So. Assuming I am mostly over the possibility he committed murder crimes on nice people. What's the next step?"

"Well first I need to give you this." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a few things. Bottle of oil, three rocks, a couple various animal skins, some branches, a bowl of cottage cheese, a couple more rocks, a spare shield, seventeen health potions and finally, something small that seemed to be what he was looking for. He waited patiently as Haurchefant shoved everything else back into his pockets. "I always carry a spare. I knew we would have this conversation one day, Aymeric. I know you so well, as your mintiest of friends, you see."

He held the little object out and dropped it into Aymeric's hand.

"What is this?" He examined the thing closely, noting that it had some form of clip on the backside. The object itself was a sort of shiny blue heart shaped thing about the size of a button. It had cat ears.

“It’s a pin you can clip onto your armor. Welcome to the 'horny for the warrior of light' club.”

“I am not? Horny for him?”

Haurchefant didn't even bother responding to that, just looking at him so strongwordedly Aymeric couldn't continue denying it. He quickly pinned it to his armor and sulked a bit as his minty no longer valid friend smiled at him.

“Okay. Ask me out.”

Aymeric choked on his imaginary water.

“I don't want to ask _you_ out, I want to ask _him_ out!”

“Pretend I’m him?? You’re smarter than that Aymeric.”

He made a low, drawn out whimpery noise, sinking back into his seat until his head was near level to the desk.

“I want to die.”

“No you don’t. Ask me out.”

“I’ve never asked anyone out before, what do I do? You’ve been on a lot of dates, right?”

“Yes. ‘Dates.' Aren't you married? Have you and Estinien never been on dates before?"

"Estinien asked me to go to the store with him once."

"How are you-- no, nevermind that, back to our very attractive catboy friend. Pretend I'm him and find something to talk about."

Aymeric made another groany whimpery noise. He straightened himself in his seat, and made one last noise as he thought of something he and Miah’to at least had in common.

"So, have you.. you know.." He waved his hand vaguely. "Murdered someone recently?"

Haurchefant stared.

"Do _not_ ask him if he's murdered anyone that is _not_ how you ask someone out."

“But--”

”He has hobbies. _Other than murder._ ”

Aymeric chewed his lip, thinking for a moment of what he liked to do when he wasn't working. He sat there a long while, realizing that he never really was able to interact with him much outside of murdering things. Even their dinner date was interrupted by attempted murder.

He slammed his palms on the table, standing so quickly his chair toppled over.

"I did ask him on a date once!"

Meanwhile, outside of Aymeric's office, the catboy in question had just walked into the building in time to hear loud yelling. His cat ears usually picked up sounds very nicely, but he couldn't actually hear the words because they weren't capitalized. He went over to the large table in the middle of the room, resisting the urge to stand on it before initiating dialog with Lucia.

"Does Aymeric have guests?"

"No," Lucia said. "He's been talking to himself all day."

"...is this a bad time then?"

_**"I NEVER MUMBLE MY THOUGHTS."** _

This time he did hear the words Aymeric yelled, as they were capitalized.

"Maybe I should come back tomorrow."


End file.
